Since I was writing all weekend I didn’t have time to get rid of our old washing machine.
“You’re a caveman,” Lanying told me.
I think a caveman would probably be a little bit more practical. He would probably be able to drag the washing machine away and hurl it into an abyss.
“Because I don’t nag you, you do nothing,” she continued. “You take advantage of me.”
I have to admit that the old washing machine has been in the kitchen for a few weeks. You’d have thought the people who brought the new one would have taken it away, wouldn’t you? I did ask them but they refused. I’m not very good with tradesmen. They always get the better of me.
I tried to get rid of half my books a few weeks ago. I put all the ones I wanted to keep on the floor and put all the ones I was prepared to part with in our biggest bookcase in the front room. I thought that way a prospective buyer would be able to see all the titles easily and give me a fair price. There are six first editions there, worth at least £100 each on ebay.
“I’ll take the lot away for £50,” my buyer told me.
“Fifty pounds! I’d rather donate them to a worthy cause.”
But they’re still there. And the books I want to keep are still on the floor.
“You’re a caveman!” Lanying repeated.
Do cavemen read?
“You’ve got to do something before next weekend,” she told me.
The reason next weekend is so important is that her ex-husband is coming to stay. She’s written to the neighbours to plead with them to stop arguing after midnight. She’s booked tickets for “We Will Rock You” for the two of them at the Dominion Theatre. Now she’s on a quest to make the house habitable.
“Most husbands wouldn’t want their wife’s ex in the house,” I suggested.
“Don’t be so uptight. You know he and I are still good friends.”
Can a caveman be uptight?
For a caveman I thought I was pretty relaxed. I was standing behind her chair in her cramped little study and, although her ponytail was arched towards me provocatively, I was not in the least tempted to grab her by it and drag her downstairs.
“I’ll ring up some rubbish clearance people on Monday,” I said.
I suppose I’d better hoover everywhere too. I can’t expect Lanying to do it. She has a weak spine. Even a caveman wouldn’t expect that.